do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
