i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
