Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
