had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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