grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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