Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
