Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
