so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
