Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
