you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
