On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
