I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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