somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
