he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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