she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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