Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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