Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
