At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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