plz talk dirty to me
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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