Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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