I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
