either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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