And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
