someone threw a dead crab at me
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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