She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just found a bag of teeth...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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