There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
