They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
