Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
