the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
There r osticjed everywhere
We left an ass print on the piano.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
