tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
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Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
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