so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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