You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
