I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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