I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
