sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
