i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
