tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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