If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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