I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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