I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
