maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
