he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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