I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
