I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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