one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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