he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
