Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
