gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
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don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
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Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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