I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just want to make out with him forever
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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