weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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