Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
