my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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