"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My dick has a subreddit
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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