Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
