girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
dude. I can hear the air.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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