he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
