So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
