You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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