Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
