i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I want her autograph on my taint
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
