shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
