I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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