i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
