I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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