I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
