Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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