Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
