I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Sext me about skeletons
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
