I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
