your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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