we have officially lost it.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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