and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
