Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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