Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
