i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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