i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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