I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
