Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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