That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
