i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
