38 yer olds are good kisserssss
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
