I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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