I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
