come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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