dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
