video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
