i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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